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The King's Rules
4/26/2010When I’m King of the Racing World . . .
Chad Knaus will be Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s crew chief.
Jeff Burton will be the U.S. senator from Virginia, then after one term, be elected from North Carolina.
Any driver who commits an act of on-track retaliation will be required to hand-wash his victim’s motorhome at the next event – on the front straightaway, in front of the grandstands, as part of pre-race ceremonies.
Danica Patrick’s first Sprint Cup start will be at Bristol.
Jimmy Spencer will be her spotter.
There will be a sponsor and a fan representative on the Board of Directors of every sanctioning organization.
No race distance may be advertised in kilometers until the metric system is taught in the public schools.
The Indianapolis 500 will return to the traditional 11 a.m. green flag.
Kyle Busch will drive at least three seasons in Formula One.
Ashley Force Hood will be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Ray Evernham will be the commissioner of NASCAR.
Gil de Ferran will be the commissioner of Indy Car racing.
Kenny Bernstein will be the commissioner of drag racing.
Dan Gurney will be the commissioner of sports car racing.
Ralph Seagraves will be in the NASCAR Hall of Fame.
Four-wide drag racing will be a one-and-done footnote in the NHRA history book.
Any drag strip not adequate for quarter-mile nitro racing will be dropped from the NHRA schedule.
Anyone who thinks road courses are boring will have to drive a fast lap around Elkhart Lake – after eating three of the track’s famous double brats, with spicy mustard, onions and sauerkraut – for breakfast.
The historic Milwaukee Mile will have solid ownership and profitable NASCAR, Indy Car and USAC events.
The Knoxville Nationals and U.S. Nationals will be televised live on ESPN.
Rival managements will get together and form one major sports car series in America -- or else.
Scott Pruett will get the attention from national media he deserves.
Roger Penske will be Vice King in charge of sponsorship.
Tony George will be grand marshal of the 500 – The Little 500.
Rolls-Royce will be the official pace car for the Daytona 500.
[ Next column: May 10 ]
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(I.N. Sider is the pen name for an independent motorsports business-person who has a quarter-century of professional experience working in almost every major North American racing series. The writer is not an employee of Valvoline or Ashland Inc. The column is intended to inform, entertain, and stimulate thought on the contemporary motorsports scene. The opinions expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of Valvoline or Ashland Inc.)
BackAbout I.N. Sider
I.N. Sider is the pen name for an independent motorsports business-person who has a quarter-century of professional experience working in almost every major North American racing series. The writer is not an employee of Valvoline or Ashland Inc. The column is intended to inform, entertain, and stimulate thought on the contemporary motorsports scene. The opinions expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of Valvoline or Ashland Inc.